Choosing A Nursing Home
They took care of us when we were young and vulnerable. They fed us, clothed us and provided a warm home with plenty of love. They shielded our impressionable minds from the world’s harmful influences and gradually taught us to be self-sufficient.
They are our parents. As a generation, they are living much longer than any generation before them; and as their children, we recognize the likelihood of being their caregivers one day, especially if chronic illness makes it inadvisable for our parents to live independently.
We try to undertake the responsibility lovingly. But caring for an elderly mother or father--or any other loved one--may be difficult, particularly when the individual requires more medical attention or supervision than a family is able to provide.
In these cases, it may be wise to consider placing the older relative in a nursing home. But this decision, too, is fraught with uncertainties: How can I find the right facility? Will my loved one receive proper care? What can I do to help make the nursing home feel like a real "home?" And will my loved one be happy?
It’s often very difficult for the family to come to terms with the fact that they are not able to care for their loved one. They may have a lot of negative thoughts about nursing homes and feel very guilty about the placement. But the reality is that most families cannot provide for all the physical, emotional, social and medical needs of a seriously, chronically ill loved one--so families shouldn’t feel guilty. They’ve done the best they can. Rather, they should channel their energy into finding the best possible facility.
With hundreds of nursing homes available, a family may be concerned about selecting an affordable one that meets their loved one’s medical and social needs. To families who are looking for such a facility, the following is recommended:
- Tour a number of facilities and compare them. Plan to tour at odd hours, such as a weekday morning, and at least once during mealtime. Don’t schedule your visits; arrive unannounced instead. This impromptu approach will give you the best perspective on what is "normal" for that facility.
- Pay attention to the appearance of the residents. Look to see if their fingernails are trimmed, their hair is combed and their clothes are laundered. Listen for laughter. And be cognizant of the mood and activity: Do the residents seem upbeat and content or do they appear sad and bored? And do they have crafts or other activities in which to participate, or all they all seated in front of the television?
- Pay attention to the staff’s actions. In addition to providing for the physical care of residents, do the staff members seem to show genuine concern for the residents by talking to them, touching them and trying to engage them in activities?
- Ask to speak to the administrator. Find out if registered nurses are available around-the-clock. Request a menu and schedule of recreational and social activities.
- Ensure that the facility is clean, safe and homelike. Ask to see the dining and food preparation areas, and make sure the proper hygiene is being practiced. Pay attention if the facility smells unclean. If you find that a notice of deficiency has been posted by the Department of Health, read it and ask the administrator what is being done to correct the deficiency. Look for handicapped-accessible facilities, such as those with wheelchair ramps and handrails, and check to see that the building is in good repair.
- If you’re concerned about cost, ask to speak with the social worker or financial counselor. This individual should be able to help you apply for government assistance and understand Medicare allowance and other financial issues.
Once you’ve chosen a facility, find out what you can do to make it seem more like home for your loved one. Bring in pictures, a comforter or a favorite chair if you’re permitted. If possible, take your loved one home for holidays, birthdays or other special occasions. And, most importantly, call and visit often to show that your love and concern have not diminished.
